Seeking to overcome Perfectionism: My Personal Journey
As much as I hate to admit it, more than one person has called me a perfectionist. It's been said to me by frustrated friends or lovers who watch me clean my home furiously, shop for the “perfect” gift, change my clothes several times before going out or when redoing my makeup multiple times because it just wasn't "quite right." Ironically, the only people who have expressed this sentiment to me in a more subtle way have been my managers. Reflecting on it, I find that fact amusing based on how many times my perfectionism has caused me to redo a project or activity for said managers who reenforced my tendencies by praising how “perfectly” the project turned out.
No matter how it's been expressed whether out of frustration or with a gentle tone, I've ultimately come to realize two things:
Perfection does not exist as we as humans have defined it.
And the individuals sharing this sentiment with me were trying to express that I should love myself more and let it go.
I even looked up the definition in Webster's dictionary to ensure I understood the word “perfect” and realized perfectionism is a human condition. Even the example of the use of the word perfect was a sentence about “her perfect skin”. (Go figure the example was connected to female outer beauty).
I believe everyone feels the pressure to be "perfect" in some way. For me, that means being perfect as a leader, perfect as a woman in how I look, feel, and act, and perfect in my relationships. It's exhausting, and I knew it had to stop. But how? I took the first step by defining "perfect" for myself.
My definition of perfect is complex, private and ever changing but I'll share some of it with you:
Perfect is a moment like colors of pink, purple, orange, and gold merging together to create a sunset.
Perfect is an unexpected phone call from someone I love who is usually hard to reach.
Perfect is an unexpected kiss.
Perfect is the effortless turns on a ski slope after struggling through several unsuccessful attempts.
Perfect is a simple card from a colleague showing appreciation for something that seemed like nothing special.
Perfect is the feeling of inspiration resulting in a new Blog post.
I challenge you to define and refine your own definition of perfection regularly.
The only insight I can offer from my journey to try and overcome perfectionism is this: Striving for self acceptance, trust, and belief in one’s self is perfection. Self love and constant gratitude for the imperfect journey called life is where true perfection lies.
With Gratitude and Love,
Melisa
MB@coachingwithbaldwin.com